The Battle Rages On
by Nickyw88
Summary: Can Edward and Bella's marriage survive the rules, expectations and distance that comes along with the army life. Will their battle rage on or will they be destroyed in the process?
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE – Life as a Soldier**

**EPOV**

**It just didn't feel right standing here, when I should be back on the front lines with the rest of my unit. The crisp, fresh air that I was breathing in, wasn't thick or saturated in dust. What should have been sand and rocks under my feet, was green grass and paving. Bright sunflowers that Bella must of planted while I was away blurred my vision, instead of the hot Afghanistan sun. This just didn't feel right.**

**My Commanding Officer informed me last night after I got back from night duties, that I was being issued two weeks leave. So here I was coming home to see my family before I was to return and resume my mission. Now I stood , standing at the front door to my house on base and I couldn't find it within myself to go inside.**

**The house was dark, but that didn't surprise me since it was 0200 and Bella and the kids would be asleep. I always missed my whole family while I was away. I missed my parents and there undying support. I missed my brother Emmett and his wife Rosalie, however I doubt that she missed me since she didn't really like me much.**

**I wanted to see my twin sister Alice the most. Since we were kids we had, had this connection that made us closer than most people. I was also a little worried about her since her husband and my best friend Jasper was currently serving in Iraq. Unlike Bella and Rosalie, who had the kids, Alice was alone and I needed to know that she was alright.**

**But most of all I missed Bella and the kids. It was always hard and painful whenever I came back after long tours. I haven't been present for any of Bella's pregnancies, nor have I been there for any of the kids births. I have missed most of all their firsts. First steps, first word, first day at school. I have missed so many birthday's and Christmas' that I have lost count of how many. It breaks my heart to see how old they've gotten since I've been gone. To see how much time has passed.**

**Inserting the spare key that is hidden under the pot plant at the front, I turn the door knob and go inside. Placing my duffel bag on the floor near the front door, I quietly creep up the stairs and stop at the first door on the left. Pushing the door open, blue light spills out onto the carpet in front of me. My sons night light sends starts sprinkling across the walls. My eldest, Anthony Charles Cullen, laid curled up underneath his blankets.**

**I still can't believe at times, that he was nearly eight years old already. Bella fell pregnant with him just weeks before I was to deploy for my first tour. We weren't trying, so he came as a big surprise. I didn't get to watch Bella grow with him and I wasn't there when she brought him into the world. He was already three days old, when my Commander came and told me that I was the proud father to a son and that mother and baby were doing well. The first time I actually got to see him in person and not through photographs, he was already six months old.**

**I could see his mothers dark brown hair peaking out from the tops of the blanket and behind those closed eyelids, I knew my green eyes hid. Leaving my son sleeping, I closed the door and walked across the hall and peaked into the second bedroom, where my six year old daughter slept, splayed out over her Pink My Little Pony sheets.**

**Billie Elizabeth Cullen came into the world while I was away on my second tour. Bella was five months pregnant when I was deployed. At least, with Billie I was there for some of Bella's pregnancy. I had just gotten out of a fire fight when the news came that I had a daughter. Billie had my unruly bronze hair, but she had her mother's beautiful brown eyes. I left her hugging her teddy bear and drifted down the hall.**

**To my left was my sleeping sons and to my right was my sleeping wife. Turning to my left, I opened my son's room and gazed in at their innocent faces. Matthew Rowan Cullen or Baby A as he was called until his birth was asleep on the bottom bunk. I couldn't even see him he was buried down into the blankets that far. Both the twins had my bronze hair and green eyes, but Matthew had Bella's features. William Michael Cullen or Baby B was eight minutes younger than his brother and was the spitting image of me.**

**Bella fell pregnant before my third tour, however I was already deployed by the time she found out. I was stationed in a really remote area at the time, so I had found out that I was going to be a father again by mail. I found out everything by letters that we wrote to each other. This was the way that I found out that we were having twins, what their sex's were and when they were born. Bella and I even had to decide their names through letters and that was no easy task when it takes weeks to get mail out there.**

**I couldn't believe that was three years ago now and the boys had grown so much. I left my boys sleeping in their bunks. Closing the door, I walked over to the last door on the right, where I knew my wife was sleeping. I hadn't seen Bella in 14 months. A phone call here and there and a couple of letters was all the contact we had since my deployment for my fourth tour.**

**Our marriage hadn't been a happy one for some time now. I still loved Bella and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But I knew that this life was starting to wear on her. The rules, the expectations, the loneliness that I knew she felt. Bella was essentially doing everything on her own.**

**I also knew that Bella was starting to feel restless. Bella gave up her dreams of going to college and becoming a teacher to stand by me while I lived out my dreams. She thought it was about her turn and that it was time for me to do the same for her. She is right, but I just didn't want to stop and that was causing Bella to become resentful.**

**Opening our bedroom door, I stepped in to gaze at the woman I love and even after all these years she still took my breath away. Bella was curled up underneath the comforter on the left side of the bed. Her side. My side was empty and waiting for me.**

**I was hesitant to get in. I wasn't sure how I would be received by her. The last time that we had seen each other, we had fought. I had promised Bella that I would be home for awhile and I could help her out with the kids. But I was offered the chance to do a fourth tour and I just couldn't turn the opportunity down. Bella was not happy. I had broken my promise to her. It was just one of the many promises over the last years that I had broken to her. **

**I took my skives off and slid into my side of the bed with just my boxers on. The mattress under my back felt like heaven after 14 months sleeping on ground or rock hard bunks. I shuffled over so that I was spooning Bella's tiny frame. Moving her hair behind her ear, I stared down at her beautiful face. A heavenly sight after everything that I have seen. I peppered kisses along her shoulder and along her neck. Bella murmured in her sleep and snuggled back into my embrace. After about five minutes of repeating the same path up and down her shoulders and neck, her eyes opened. Sleepily she turned in my arms and for the first time in 14 months I looked into her doe brown eyes.**

" **Edward?"**

" **Hi love, I'm home"**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO The Life Of An Army Wife**

**BPOV**

**Nights for most are a time for people to think and reflect. But for an army wife, like myself, nothing could be worse. Days are reasonably easy to get through. Between four kids, my job and the house, there just wasn't enough time to think and reflect. But eventually, like all things inevitable, night would come and your left with your fears and the sometimes overwhelming loneliness.**

**The fear is constantly there. Creeping just underneath the surface. When your husband and the father of your children is over in some foreign country fighting a war, how could you not fear the outcome. During the day you can ignore it. But at night there is no escaping the truth. Your reminded of it every time you climb into your bed at night and his not there and the resounding silence is your only companion. The fear of him not coming home, of never feeling his warmth again or the possibility of raising your children by yourself is painful pill to swallow.**

**Edward and I started dating when we were fifteen years old and I had known from the very beginning that Edward wanted to be a soldier. I had hoped he would change his mind once the time came. But Edward was committed to serving just like his father and brother. I had grown up with a father who served and a mother who had sacrificed everything to stand by him. I knew exactly what my future with Edward would be. But at the time I was too in love to care.**

**When Graduation rolled around, we faced the reality, that we were going to be miles away from each other. Edward would be at Fort Lee and I would be at Dartmouth. I had gotten a scholarship there and I was really looking forward to going. I didn't want to lose Edward, but the distance meant that we were never going to see each other. That night, at the high school graduation party, Edward asked me to come with him to Fort Lee. He said that if I stood by him while he lived out his dreams, he would do everything within his powers to make sure mine came true too. Then he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. My love and fear of losing him clouded my judgment and the next day we were married at the local courthouse.**

**We didn't get a real wedding, but Edward promised that someday we would renew out vows and he would give me the wedding and honeymoon that I deserved. I didn't want a fancy wedding, but I would of liked my family and friends there. Due to Edward's basic training, we had to leave straight away. So Edward and I moved to Fort Lee and we have been there ever since.**

**We didn't get much of a chance to just enjoy being married, as Edward had to start training right away. So he trained and slept most of the time and I was left to make our home by myself. We hadn't even been married three months when Edward received his orders that in three weeks he was to be deployed. The night after his orders were issued, we found out I was pregnant. We hadn't planned on having a family this early, but sometimes life is funny that way.**

**Edward had needed me to be strong, but when he wasn't around I was absolutely terrified. Edward wasn't going to be here for any of it and I was out in the middle of nowhere, with no family or friends. I was going to be completely alone. Edward was so excited about being deployed. This was his dream for nearly eighteen years. It hurt me sometimes that he seemed more excited about being deployed, than he was about being a father. **

**When the day came that Edward deployed, I wanted to beg him to stay. To be here for me. But the look on Edwards face told me that this was what he wanted to do. What he needed to do. So I drew on all the strength that I had me and did the army wife duty. I smiled and told him I loved him, while I watched him leave on the bus that would be taking him to war.**

**For several weeks after his deployment, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was pregnant and alone. My husband of four months was over fighting a war and I didn't know if I would ever see him again. I was in a catatonic state by the third week, when a knock came at my door. Dragging myself out of bed, I slowly and cautiously answered the front door. Fear griped my whole heart. Would that be the men from the black car that would give me the news that my husband was dead already. **

**But standing beyond the door was not the men from the black car, but Edward's twin sister Alice and his sister in-law Rosalie. Jasper had been transferred here for his basic training and Emmett had requested a transfer to be close to his brother and sister. Things were better know that they were here. I didn't feel so alone anymore and it was good to have Alice and Rosalie around. They were two people who knew what I was going through. And over the years they had become my strongest support system. **

**I kept Edward updated of pregnancy through constant letters and the occasional phone call. As much was Edward loved being over there, he always became sad whenever I talked about anything that had to do with the baby. He wished that he could be there with me. I told him about the doctors appointments, the nursery and sent ultrasound photos of the baby. We debated baby names through short phone calls and long letters. I wanted to make sure that even though he was thousands of miles away, he was still very much a part of this. But no amount of phone calls and letters could replace the fact that my husbands was not here. **

**My pregnancy was not hard, but the labor was long and painful. My mother had flown down to stay with me during the last couple of months at the request of Edward. He didn't want me to be alone, just in case I went into labor. So with Alice, Rosalie and my mother by my side, I gave birth to our first born son. Anthony Charles Cullen came into the world weighing 7'4OZ. I tried to get through to Edward over there through the Army channels, but I ended up having to leave a message with one of his commanders who promised that he would pass the news onto Edward. Three days later Edward phoned.**

**Edward was gone for 14 months that first tour and Anthony was already 6 months old by the time Edward got to even hold him. Of course I sent photo graphs and let Edward talk over the phone into Anthony's ear, but that was only good enough for so long. When Edward returned once those 14 months were up, he was moody and surly all the time. He slept fitfully and for short periods of time. He would get angry over the smallest things and I would become the target for that misplaced anger.**

**One day I had enough and called my father to come down and talk to him. Two days later Charlie arrived and he proceeded to take Edward out for the day. I don't know where they went or what my father said to Edward, but when they came back Edward kissed me and apologized for the way he had been acting and just like that he was my Edward again.**

**Edward was home for two years after that, besides a couple of small missions in between that would last a week, sometimes two. But he was home for the most part. He was working as a recruiter on base and it meant that I got to have my husband back for while.**

**Nearly a year and half after Edward returned home and Anthony was 19 months old, we found out that I was pregnant again. Edward was over the moon with happiness. He had been on my back for sometime about having another baby. He didn't know how long before he would be returning to a second tour of duty and he wanted to be home for our second child for as long as he could. And for 5 months of my pregnancy he was. **

**Edward was convinced from the very beginning that we were having a girl this time. Edward had been wishing for a baby girl, from the moment that we started dating. He used to say that he wanted a daughter who looked just like me, with my brown hair and brown eyes. With Edward not being there for my first pregnancy, I doubted that his predictions had anything to do with the subtle differences in my pregnancies. I just put it down to blind hope.**

**We had been enjoying my pregnancy, until at five months along, Edward received his orders for deployment and once again I was faced with the reality that I was doing it alone again. I almost wished that he had been deployed from the very beginning and at least then I wouldn't know what it felt like to have him here. Like with Anthony, we phoned and sent letters and I kept him up to date with everything. But I never got used to the feeling of him being gone.**

**At 4.59AM, Billie Elizabeth Cullen joined the world. Edward's wish didn't come completely true. He got his daughter, yes, But instead of being brown haired and brown eyed, she was the spitting image of Edward. She had a mess of bronze hair and her eyes changed from blue to green after a couple of months. When Edward phoned, after I left my message with his commander, his joy and sadness was palpable. **

**Edward was gone for 18 months and my loneliness started to grow. Every day that Edward was gone, the more distance I felt growing between us. There was a time when Edward and I would talk and never run out of things to say to each other. But now we found that the silences over the phone were increasing. Billie was 13 months old when Edward came home. It broke my heart to see that my little daughter was afraid of her own father, no matter how many times she heard his voice over the phone or how many photo's of Edward I showed to her.**

**Over the next 6 years Edward was deployed two more times. His third tour lasted 9 months and his fourth was 14 months long. Three years after Billie was born I gave birth to our twin sons Matthew Rowan Cullen and William Michael Cullen. They were Edward's coloring, but one looked like me and the other Edward. Having the twins was particularity hard, due to Edward being stationed in some remote area in the middle of nowhere. Till this day I still don't know where he was and he doesn't know how much I struggled. After the twins were born I suffered from post natal depression and it took Alice and Rosalie to get me out of it.**

**They had wanted me to tell Edward, but I didn't want to worry him over there. Something like that can get a soldier killed. So I kept it to myself, like so many other things I kept from him to protect him. That's what we Army wives do, we hold the fort and protect our husbands.**

**But after eight years of this life, plus the eighteen years before that, where I endured the same with my father, I was tired. I was tired of being alone. Sometimes I felt that I was the only one in this marriage. Edward was gone so much of our marriage that there were times that I felt that my life wouldn't change all that much, if something did happen to Edward.**

**What kind of wife can say that? That there wouldn't be a change in there world if they lost there husband. I love my husband and wouldn't want anything to happen to him, but I was already doing everything on my own. What would change?**

**Where did it say in our fate together, that only Edward would get his dreams, that only he gets to have everything? I had dreams, I had aspirations. What happened to them? And what happened to the man that I fell in love who wanted me to have the world?**

**Just as I was contemplating this, I felt the shifting of the mattress underneath me. I just assumed it was one of the children, wanting to sleep in the big bed with mummy. But when a long body, pressed up against the length of back and my nose was assaulted with that Edward smell that I love, I knew instantly who it was.**

**I didn't know what to do our say. It had been so long and when we parted last it was not on good terms. Did he still love me? Could things get better for us? Would me and the kids ever come first with him? I couldn't answer those questions and I was always too afraid of the answer, if I ever gained the courage to actually ask them.**

**I felt his lips running up and down my shoulder and I couldn't help the pleasurable tingle that ran down my spine and into other places. But we needed to talk, not be physical. So I took a breath and turned around in his strong arms. Opening my eyes, they rested on a sight I hadn't seen in 14 months. Edward's face.**

"**Edward?"**

**And then he spoke the only words at that moment in time that could hope to bring me happiness.**

"**Hi Love, I'm home"**

**Lets just hope it lasts. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three – Home Welcoming**

After ten years together, eight of which we had been married, you would think that by now, we would have no problem thinking of things to say to the other. However, here we both were, our mouths opening and closing, but not a word was spoken to each other after our initial hellos.

I let my eyes roam over her face for a second. She was still as beautiful as the first day I saw her, standing at the office admin desk at school. But the dark circles under her eyes let me know how tired she looked. Reminding me of why Bella was starting to hate this life.

Bella's eyes did the same as mine, roaming over my face and body, looking for wounds or anything that wasn't there before I left. This had become a habit of hers over the years. She would look for any kind of change in me, that had occurred while I was away on duty.

My finger came up to trace the dark outline under her eyes.

"You look tired, Love" I said, sliding her body closer to mine.

"The kids haven't been sleeping well lately and I've been doing more hours at the library" she replied, while burying her face into my shoulder.

Bella worked part time at the on base library. A couple of years ago, Bella had noticed a vacancy on the library window and had come home all excited about it. I hadn't wanted her to work. It might be old fashioned of me and maybe a little bit selfish, but I had hoped she would stay home and take care of the kids and me, just like my mother did. I knew of her dream to be a teacher, but I had hoped once we had kids her dreams would change. I had mentioned to her my hopes of her staying at home, but she said that she was going to do it whether I wanted her to or not. That she too deserved to have something that was just hers and not about the kids and me.

In some ways I could understood her wanting something for herself, but at the same time I wanted her home. The kids and I needed her. But as much as Bella was a giving person, she was a stubborn one too. And it was hard to argue with her, when in a couple of months I was deploying. I really couldn't do anything about it while I was going to be a thousand miles away.

"Why haven't the kids been sleeping? Is something wrong?" I asked her, starting to panic. I may not be around much for the kids, but I still loved them and wanted them happy and safe.

"No, It's nothing like that. Anthony and the twins have been sick with the flu and have been up most nights throwing up and Billie has been having nightmares lately" Bella explained to me, and my heart ached at the thought the my children were sick and scared and I wasn't there to do anything about it.

"Nightmares? What about?", Billie was an easy going kid and most things tended to roll right off her back.

" Some kid from her school, his father was killed in Iraq and now she's scared that the same thing is going to happen to you" Bella looked away while telling me this. I didn't understand why she looked away. " You may need to have a talk with her about it"

"You didn't say anything to her?" I didn't understand why Bella wouldn't have reassured her that Daddy would be coming home, no matter what.

"I did to a certain extent, but there's only so much I can say, I think she needs to hear it from you" Irritation laced Bella's voice. I knew why, but I wanted things to be nice for a little while before things went back to the way they were. I was only on a short two week R and R, I would be returning back to duty after that. And I knew that was not going to go down well with Bella.

"I'll speak with her about it in the morning, but until then I want to spend some worry free time with my wife" I promised her, while rolling over so that I was resting on top of her. Bella tried to push me away and she opened her mouth to say something, and I knew exactly what she was going to say. But now was not the time for it. I had been away for a long time and right now I needed my wife. I brought my fingers up and placed them over her lips.

"Shh, Love. Not now, there will be plenty of time in the morning for talking. Right now I just want to feel you" I said with authority, while staring into her depth less eyes.

And I spent the rest of the night showing her that I had indeed missed her.

That I had missed her mind, her voice, her body and her heart. But I new that this peace wouldn't last once morning came. She would want to talk and things for me hadn't changed. So I spent what time I had, being with her. And prayed that the morning wouldn't bring the fight that I knew was coming.

* * *

**Hi guys, I'm hoping you guys are liking the story so far. I know these first couple of chapters have been really in depth, but I had to set up the background of the story. I'm a big fan of Army Wives and this is where this story has come from. It's been an idea that's been floating around in my head. I noticed that there weren't really many stories about Edward in the army and I thought I'd write my own. This is one of the many ideas that are in my head. But I really only want to write one story at a time, so I can put everything into it, without being distracted.**

**Now I have some ideas how I want this story to go, but really I'm writing it as it comes to me. And since I'm a team person I would love for you guys to give me your opinions on what you would like to see happen and I may add your ideas in to the story. I really want you guys to feel that this is your story, as much as it is mine.**

**But for me to do that I'm going to need some more reviews. The more reviews I get, the more inspiration I get to write. And if I've got inspiration than the faster my updates will come.**

**So let me see some love! **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four – Hello, Soldier

What do you say to someone after you haven't seen them for 14 months? Where do you start? My mind flickered back to just before Edward left for his latest tour. The screaming and the harsh words that were directed at each other. Edward's eyes looked sad for a moment and his mouth was drawn down in a frown. Was he remembering too? Or has he already forgotten about it, like the hundreds of other times that I voiced my opinions on how unhappy I had become with out current lifestyle.

He hadn't changed. He was still the same Edward. Well, physically anyway. I can't say the same thing about him emotionally and mentally, anymore. But he was unharmed at least. My eyes and hands searching for any new marks or scars that would be some clue as to what he had been doing over there for the last 14 months. I had better luck this way of figuring it out, then I would with it coming from him. Most likely it was something that he couldn't or wouldn't talk about with me. But all I could see and feel were the already existing scars that scattered his body and my body relaxed slightly. Letting go of the tension I didn't know I was holding in. That, or I was so used to feeling that way, I couldn't tell the difference anymore.

He was still as handsome as the day I met him. Better in some ways. More mature. More like a man, rather than the boy who used to bring flowers to my door everyday when he came to pick me up for school. Back then his hair was longer and his bronze bangs hung over his eyes. Now it was replaced by the army regulation crew cut. I missed running my fingers through it's thick strands, playing with the the wisps at the back of his neck.

He brought his finger up, to trace just under my eyes and I fought the urge not to close them. I was afraid if I did, he would disappear and this would have all just been a delusion, drummed up by my lonely heart. His eyes creased in concern. That was one thing that had never changed with Edward. He always worried. Sometimes about the smallest things and lately, the wrong things.

"You look tired, Love", he whispered in that velvet voice of his. He slid my body closer to his, so that we were pressed together from breast to hip. He tangled his legs with mine and the hair on his legs tickled me. A seductive tingle ran down my spine and sunk into the pit of my stomach.

Tired! I wanted to say that I was tired in so many ways. Tired of worrying about him, worrying about the kids. I was tired of the loneliness, that wrapped around me every night. I was tired of always coming last. Last to Edward, Last in Life. But most of all I was tired of doing everything on my own. Working, The house (Inside and Out), the cars and the kids. I was even responsible for my own pleasure these days. Making do with my own touch, instead of his rough one.

I was just plain tired and I was beginning to run out of fight. Sometimes I wondered what it was that I was fighting for now. Doubts ran through my mind like poison. Did he want to be in this marriage anymore? Sometimes it felt like he didn't.

"The kids haven't been sleeping well lately and I've been doing more hours at the library" I explained to him. It wasn't an entire lie. I could tell him about the things that I had just thought, but that would just lead to a fight and right now I just wanted to enjoy having him home. Plus, the kids really haven't been sleeping, choosing to spend their nights in my bed over the last couple of weeks. And I had been doing more hours at the library, due to the nasty flu bug that had been going around post. The very one that had driven my kids to take up residency in my bed. Well, for the boys at least, Billie was a different story.

I watched the concern turn into panic on his face. Just like I knew he would. Edward always jumps to the worst conclusion. " Why haven't the kids been sleeping? Is something wrong?" he asked, his body twisting slightly, as if he was going to get out of the bed and check on them.

I tightened my hold on him and brought my hand up to run along his unshaven jaw, in an attempt to sooth him. "No, nothing like that. Anthony and the twins have been sick with the flu and have been up most nights throwing up and Billie has been having nightmares lately". I explained, cringing internally at the memory of my tiny daughters screams and cries.

Edward's forehead cringed in confusion. "Nightmares? What about?" he asked. I didn't know if I should tell him. Most likely Billie would tell him herself. She was a daddy's girl after all, even with all the times Edward was gone, they had a surprisingly close relationship. The complete opposite of my relationship with my father. I knew this information would hurt him. But I thought he should know.

"Some kid from her school, his father was killed in Iraq and now she's scared that the same thing is going to happen to you." I could understand my daughters fears. They were the same as mine. I too had those very same nightmares. I looked away from Edward, having felt my eyes begin to tear up. The last thing I wanted was to start crying in front of him.

"You may need to have a talk with her about it" I said to him, pulling myself together and locking my eyes back on his face. He looked confused. And I knew what he was already thinking without him having to say it. He was wondering why I hadn't handled it. And he didn't fail me.

"You didn't say anything to her?" he asked, with a slight edge to his voice.

I felt a swell of anger inside me. How dare he! Of course I said something. I wouldn't let our daughter suffer without finding a way to try and take the pain away. This was one of things that was getting under my skin of late. I'm always the one that needs to take care of things. Out of all the things he could of said at that moment, he automatically asked me if I had fixed it. And I tried to fix it. But Billie didn't want my reassurances, she wanted Edwards.

"I did to a certain extent, but there's only so much I can say, I think she needs to hear it from you" I couldn't keep the irritation I felt out of my voice. Edward needed to be the one to explain this to her. He needed to step up a play the parent on this one. And I was not going to make an excuse for him this time.

"I'll speak with her about it in the morning, but until then I want to spend some worry free time with my wife" he said, grinning. His hand slid down my side and under my singlet, grazing the skin of my lower back. He rolled me over and I cradled his body between my thighs. It had been so long since I felt the weight of him, felt his warmth surround me. And it felt so good. But I was scared we were falling back into old habits, where we substituted sex for words. I tried to push him away and I opened my mouth to tell him that we needed to talk before we were intimate again. We needed common ground first. But Edward's fingers over my lips silenced me.

"Shh, Love. Not now, there will be plenty of time in the morning for talking. Right now I just want to feel you" he ordered, his eyes capturing mine. And I got lost in a sea of green. Edward's lips touched mine and I let that old heat consume me.

Things were no where near better. And there was still so much we need to talk about. But right now, with my husband home, warm and alive. I just needed to remember that point right now. He was safe. So for a few hours I let him take me to heaven and soar above those ecstasy enriched clouds. But as he slumbered next to me peacefully, I worried what tomorrow would bring.

**Hey guys.**

**I hoped you like this chapter. I pulled it out of me in two hours.**

**I wanted to say thank you to all those people who have reviewed. It pushed me to get another chapter out of me faster than I had originally intended.**

**But if you guys want me to keep on going at this pace. I need some more reviews. If you guys can get me to 15 reviews this week, I'll get another chapter to you by Sunday.**

**I told you guys in my last chapter, that I wanted you guys to feel a part of the story, so let me know your ideas. But for now I will give you a sneak preview of the outline I have currently in my head.**

**Just to be clear from the start, I will not be breaking Edward and Bella up but they will have their moments where they are close to it. Also some of the chapters will go over the same stuff that was in the previous chapter, but one will be Edward's POV and the other Bella's POV. I wanted to do it this way so you constantly know what's going on in each of there heads**

**Edward may or may not have an affair**

**Edward and Bella may or may not attend marriage counseling**

**Edward and Bella may or may not have more kids**

**Edward and Bella may our may not separate for a short while**

**Edward may or may not have a break down**

**Edward may or may not be jealous of Bella's relationship with Jake**

**Now these are currently some of the concepts in my head for The Battle Rages On and they are not in order. If you like or hate one of them let me know. If you want to add something, do let me know too!**

**Okay my lovelies, signing off for now. Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE – Soldier in Wonderland**

**EPOV**

Bright Light. That is what woke me this morning. Not the suffocating heat of the Afghanistan desert and not the shrill scream of a commanding officer demanding his unit to wake. It was quiet and so pleasurably cool. Opening my eyes I could see where the morning sun had started to creep across the bedroom floor from the space between the curtains. The rays came to rest upon the bed, shining so endearingly on my wife.

This was always a foreign moment for me. I had spent more time over the last eight years waking up to the faces of my unit, then to the beautiful face of my wife. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. Like the stress of this life wasn't weighing on her. I wasn't as selfish as Bella made me out to be, in the moments when we would come to blows. I know this life is hard for the partners that are left behind. I also knew that I wasn't as appreciative of her as I should be.

For a soldier, you live in two worlds. One of war and one of family. It's not easy balancing the two. You always come up short with one of them. You always end up letting one down. And in most cases, it's your family life. Bella and the kids suffer for my dreams and passions.

There are two sides to me. The soldier, who needs to be in the thick of it, while standing by my men. The other, the husband and father. That man loves his wife. He loves his kids. But the call of the uniform is hard to ignore. Even when your family is hurting. Even when your the one doing the hurting.

I hurt Bella and the kids all the time. I'm not the husband that I wanted to be for Bella. I was not the father the kids deserved to have. And the pain of that knowledge sometimes knocked the wind out of me. I tried to be what they needed me to be within the short periods of time I was home. But it never came easy. Not when your dealing with images of death left over from tours and not when their lives continue on without you and you begin to not know where you fit in, in their world.

Bella's soft whimper let me know that she was waking up. When she rolled over and opened those soulful brown eyes of her's, my heart fluttered. She was so beautiful and I got to call her my wife. Not that sometimes I deserved to have that much of her.

"Hi ya, Soldier. How long have you been awake for?" she said, smiling and bending her back up and off the bed, stretching her tired body.

"Not long, I was just admiring the vision that is my wife" I said, gently moving a strand of soft brown hair that had fallen in her eyes.

Bella looked confused for a moment, as if she didn't know to respond to a loving compliment from me. Before we got married, I had been a romantic. Constantly making compliments and whispering sweet nothings to her. I told her many times a day, just how much I loved her. As the years have gone by, I have become rather neglectful of letting my wife know just how much she was loved. And she is loved.

Just as I was about to pull Bella to me for a good morning kiss and cuddle, the sound of little feet came from down the hall. It was always easy for me to tell the difference between the kids. Anthony was almost silent in his approach, choosing to be slow and cautious in his descent to our bedroom. I couldn't help but think that he would make a good soldier some day. A thought that would most likely get me killed, if Bella knew I had thought it. None of out children would join the army if Bella had anything to say about it.

Billie on the other hand, sped down the hall. Such a loud noise, for her small size. Just like her outlook on life, she came at us full steam ahead. I couldn't help but think in that moment, that she just might cause us some trouble in the future. Billie was full of life and didn't take crap from anyone.

The twins followed behind. I didn't know which, but one of them fell over. I had a feeling it was Matthew. He had unfortunately inherited his mothers clumsy gene.

They all knew that I was home. One of them must of gone downstairs and seen my duffel bag thrown at the front door and they had come back stairs and informed the others. I sat up in preparation for their arrival, relieved that Bella and I had thought ahead last night and thrown our clothes back on after our love making session. We had been caught out by the kids before and it was not a moment either of us had wanted to live through again.

Billie came bursting through the door first, Screaming "Daddy" at the top of her lungs. She launched herself off the floor and onto the bed, throwing herself into my arms. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed as tightly as her little arms would allow.

"Hello, baby girl" I whispered into her ear, laughing at my little daughters enthusiasm.

I didn't play favorites with my children, but Billie and I held a special connection. I don't know whether it was because she was my only daughter or because I had seen some of Bella's pregnancy with her, but Billie and I just connected.

"Hi Daddy, I missed you" she said, curling herself up underneath my arm.

"I missed you too, Princess" I said, pulling her closer and kissing her on the top of her bronze curls.

I looked up and watched my twin sons come dashing in. One after the other they crawled up on the bed and sat down on the mattress in front of us. Both crawled over and gave me a kiss and cuddle and then returned to their previous perch.

"We missed ewwe" William said and Matthew just bobbed his head up and down in agreement. Their three year old punctuation, making the whole scene so cute and it melted my tough soldier heart.

Anthony was the last to enter. Anthony was the token eldest child. He was very protective of his younger siblings. Anthony was also very close to Bella. Whenever Bella and I fought, Anthony always took his mothers side. Just like Billie took mine. Anthony tended to feel the most distant with me, he took the longest to warm back up to me, after my time away on tours. I didn't like the fact that my son felt that he needed to distance himself from me, but Bella had once told me that she had done the same with her father. That it was just a coping mechanism. I didn't know if I was fine with it. After all I knew how well it worked for Bella and her fathers strained relationship. I didn't want my son to feel about me, the way Bella did about her father now.

Anthony slowly moved over to me. He looked nervous and his eyes kept drifting over to his mother. I looked down at Bella and watched her encourage him with her eyes and a slight lift of her mouth.

"Hey, Dad" he said, looking towards the floor and then raising his eyes to mine.

"Hey Anth, you've grown kiddo" I said, pulling him forward into a one arm hug, due to my other arm being utilized by my daughter.

Anthony just shyly smiled and moved over to the other side of the bed and sat down next to his mother. Bella pulled him underneath her arm and kissed the top of his head. She whispered something into his ear that I couldn't hear, but his mood improved after whatever she had said to him.

"How about you guys watch some TV together and I will go make some breakfast for us. How does pancakes sound?" Bella asked, getting up off the bed and wrapping her dressing down around her.

"Pancakes, Yeah" screamed the twins, as they dashed off the bed and followed their mother down to the kitchen.

I put the TV on and pulled Anthony over to my other side and watched some cartoons with me two eldest children.

About half and hour later, Bella called up to us and said that breakfast was ready. Anthony and Billie took off down the stairs and I followed. Half of me still felt that I shouldn't be here, that I should be with my unit. But I couldn't deny that I was enjoying the time I was spending with my family.

Bella was just placing the pancakes on the plate when I took my seat. I smacked her on the butt when she went to walk away. And she giggled. It was a sound I hadn't heard from her in awhile. And it sounded so good.

The kids continued to ask me questions about being away and if had been brave. They were telling me about what they had been doing during the time I had been gone.

Anthony had joined the baseball team and he had hit the winning run to take his team home. Billie had been taking piano lessons. She wanted to show me the new song that she had been learning to play.

The twins ran off to get some new artwork that they had done at kindergarten. My heart ached at having not been there to see my sons home run, or help Billie with her new song. It hurt to see that there were over 30 pictures that the boys showed me. Bella just watched the kids sharing their news with me. I told them how proud I was of them and that wished I could have seen it.

Then Anthony asked the dreaded question.

"So how long are you home for Dad" he said, looking between Bella and I.

"Two weeks" I said, watching Bella carefully. Best to get this over with.

Bella's forehead creased into a frown and she got up and collected the plates. She didn't say anything. She just moved over to the sink and started washing the dishes.

"Can't you stay longer, Daddy" Billie whimpered. Her little pink mouth pouted out.

It was so hard to say no to her.

"No Princess, Daddy has to return to his duty" I tried to explain, but it was getting harder and harder each time I had to tell them that I had to leave.

"why don't you kids go and play in the lounge room and daddy will be in, in a minute" I told them. I needed to speak with Bella. She hadn't looked at me since I told them that I wasn't staying. Billie ran out after her brothers. Anthony followed slowly after, looking towards his mother. He knew there was something wrong with her.

When I knew the kids were out of earshot, I walked over to stand behind Bella. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder.

"So, your not staying" she said, quietly, not looking at me.

" I can't, It's just a two week R and R. I need to go back and complete my tour." I explained, silently begging her to understand.

"Is this the way it is always going to be?", she asked, moving out of my arms and resting against the opposite bench. She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for me to answer.

She didn't look angry, she just looked tired, like she was out of fight and that scared me more than I cared to admit.

"Bella, you knew this when you married me. This is who I am. I need you to stand by me."

"I'm not happy anymore, Edward"

And what do you say to that.

**Hey guys. I'm back.**

**I know it's been awhile, but things got crazy and I just couldn't find the time to write. However I have been writing things down and I have some future chapters planned out. So the next couple of chapters will flow, HOPEFULLY.**

**Please let me know if your enjoying it and review.**

**The more Reviews I get, the better I can write this.**

**Just quickly response to some of your guys reviews. You's expressed a concern with the Edward cheating storyline.**

**I just want you guys to remember, that Edward and Bella may separate for awhile, but I won't be breaking them up. It's like going against the law of the world to break Edward and Bella up. Just keep in mind that I have this all planned out.**

**So rest easy my favorite readers and keep those reviews coming!**

**Lots of love**

**Nicky88 **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six – Down The Rabbit Hole**

**BPOV**

Morning. I hated mornings. Usually it was the same routine. Same thing I did the day before. But today was different. Today, Edward was home. But for how long, I wonder? How long before he was out that door? It would be just like him, to come in and get the kid's hopes up. Get my hope up and than, boom, gone.

Some people ask me what it's like being married to a soldier. What it's like being married to a man, who is strong and brave and willing to fight for his country. They have this glorified view of things. They've gone and prettied the whole thing up. All I can say is that I don't see my husband enough to know what it's like being married to him. I may wear his ring on my left hand and share his last name, but more times than not, I am living the life of a single mother.

I'm not selfish. Just because I'm sick of this life and that I fight more with my husband than we do anything else, doesn't mean that I don't support my country or that I don't believe in what Edward is doing. It just gets to a point where you have to ask yourself, "Why can he fight for his country and strangers, but not his wife and kids?"

When is it enough?

I have never said I wanted Edward to leave the army or that he can never go on another tour. I just want him to spend some more time at home. A couple of years ago his Base Commander offered him a recruitment officer assignment. Actually he had offered it a few times over the last couple of years. It would mean he would be stationed on base and be home with us. But each time Edward had turned him down and chosen to go on another tour. Every time he turned it down, was another chip off of my heart.

I knew he was awake. I could feel his shifting legs, underneath the covers. I just couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. I didn't want this day to begin. But from previous experience, I knew that is wasn't just going to go away. And I also knew that is wouldn't be long before the kids came in. I made an act out of waking up. I turned, I whimpered, I stretched and finally pried my eyes open to rest on his. God he was handsome and that fact wasn't helping my situation. Might as well play nice until we couldn't anymore.

"Hi ya, Soldier, How long have you been awake for?" I smiled and stretched out my pleasurably sore muscles.

"Not long, I was just admiring the vision that is my wife" he said softly as I watched his big, rough hand rise off the bed and sweep the hair out of my face.

I didn't know how to react to Edward's compliment and sweet gesture. It had been so long since he had said something sweet to me. It reminded me of before we were married. When Edward had been a very different man to the man he is today. Edward used to be sweet, gentle and loving. And hearing these sweet innocent words makes me ache for that time, eight years ago.

Edward moved towards me and I wasn't sure what he was about to do. So I stilled my body and tried to prepare myself for whatever action he was about to do. But before he could move any further, we both turned towards the bedroom door, as we heard our children's feet race against the floorboards.

I could hear Anthony's hesitant approach. Anthony's relationship with his father had become strained lately and I wanted to fix that. Even if things were not okay between Edward and I, I didn't want Edward's and Anthony's relationship to suffer because of it. Than came Billie. She was a Daddy's girl. She looked at Edward like he hung the moon. Sometimes I envied her that. Sometimes I wished that I could have that kind of view of Charlie.

She will be attached to Edward's hip until he leaves again. And knowing Edward, he will leave. And once again I will be the one left to console our distraught daughter.

Just as I was thinking up ways to make things easier on Billie when Edward left, I heard a thump. I could hear the twins and one of my little men must have fallen over. I faught my mothers instinct to run out and check if they were okay. When I didn't hear any cries of pain, I let myself relax. It was most likely Matthew. He trips over more often than me.

They must of heard Edward's voice when we were talking this morning. Otherwise I don't know how they knew he was here. At least were prepared this time and thank heaven that we have clothes on.

Billie burst through the door so fast, she almost took the thing of it's hinges. She was flying into Edward's arms before I could even tell her to stop running in the house. I watched as she held on tightly to Edward. I know it's wrong, but I can't help but feel a little jealous of their relationship. She never had that reaction with me.

"Hello, baby girl" I heard him whisper into her ear. Billie snuggled into place between us underneath Edward's arm.

"Hi, Daddy, I missed you" she answered. And I smiled at the way Edward's eyes softened at our daughters declaration.

"I missed you too, Princess" Edward said, kissing Billie on her matching bronze hair. The same exact color as her fathers.

Looking over Edward's shoulder I watched two more little replicas of Edward stroll into the room. Although Matthew had my facial features, Billie, William and Matthew all shared Edward's Bronze shading. Anthony was the only one of our kids that was dark like me.

William and Matthew jumped up on the bed and I watched as they looked at Edward like they I hadn't seen him before. They crossed their little legs and smiled up at us.

"We missed ewww" William said in his native baby tongue. Not quite capable of getting his mouth around Y's just yet. William was the most outgoing and talkative out of the twins. More often than not, he spoke for both Matthew and himself. So it didn't surprise me when Matthew just bobbed his head up and down. He agreed with his brother.

My smile faltered a little as I watched my eldest son enter the room. His face drawn tight in apprehension and doubt. Anthony and I had a very close relationship. He was so mush older than his young years. He was the strongest, but at the same time he felt things a lot more strongly than others. I always worried about that special trait getting him hurt in the future. He stepped towards his father slowly and I watched a sliver of pain swept across Edward's face. I knew he could feel the distance between him and his son.

I tried to encourage him with my eyes and I felt my mouth lift in a sympathetic smile. I didn't want to push him. He needed to go to Edward in his own time. When he was ready and no sooner than that.

"Hey, Dad" he said nervously and his eyes lowered to the floor, rising only when I knew he had pulled himself together.

"Hey, Anth, You've grown Kiddo" Edward stated, reaching out an arm and pulling his son in for a hug. Edward now had both his daughter and son in his arms. I thought maybe it was time to excuse myself and let the kids have some time with their father. Anthony's mood had improved and everyone seemed content. It was about time for breakfast.

"How about you guys watch some TV together and I'll go make some breakfast for us. How does pancakes sound?" I asked, knowing their wasn't going to be any no's for pancakes.

"Pancakes, Yeah" the twins screamed. I stifled a giggle at their enthusiasm.

The twins followed after me downstairs, as I left Anthony and Billie to reacquaint themselves with their father. As I rushed around the kitchen, gathering ingredients for breakfast, I tried my best to gather myself. I needed to be in control. But as I heard, my children's and Edwards laughter from upstairs. I knew this peace wouldn't last.

The children came bouncing into the kitchen with Edward following, just when I was putting the last of breakfast out on the table. Edward smacked my bottom when I turned around after giving him his plate and I couldn't help the giggle that bubbled up and out of me. Maybe he was trying to change.

I listened as the kids asked him about what he had been doing and if he was being brave over there. I listened as Anthony told him about his home run. Billie asked for his help learning a new song on the piano and the twins ran off to get their artwork to show him. They couldn't contain their excitement at telling him about their achievements. I watched Edward's face as it flitted between pride and pain.

"So how long are you home for Dad?" Anthony asked, and the whole kitchen went quiet. I waited, holding my breath for the answer.

"Two weeks" Edward answered. I knew he was trying to make eye contact with me, but I didn't want to see the begging in his eyes that I always saw when he told me he was leaving. I shouldn't have hoped. And I just didn't have it in me to fight with him anymore.

I stood up and went over to the sink. I needed to be doing something. I needed to keep busy, so I started to wash the dishes instead of fighting with him. He will never change. Things with never change.

"Can't you stay longer, Daddy" I heard Billie whimper to her father. I could hear the sadness and disappointment in her soft little voice. How could he make her feel that way? How could he always make me feel this way?

"No Princess, Daddy has to return to his duty" he tried to explain to them, but it was just another excuse and one day they will be old enough to see his statement for what it was.

An excuse.

"why don't you kids go and play in the lounge room and daddy will be in, in a minute" I heard him tell the kids. I heard the sounds of their feet leave the kitchen, but I could see Anthony lingering by the door out the corner of my eye. He soon followed his younger brothers and sister.

I could hears Edward's boots on the hardwood floor as that came towards me. His arms slipped around my waist and he rested his chin on my shoulder. I wanted to to melt into his warmth, but if I allowed myself to do just that, then nothing would ever change.

"So, your not staying" I asked softly so the children couldn't hear.

" I can't, It's just a two week R and R. I need to go back and complete my tour." he tried to explain in that same pleading tone that I've heard a million times before.

"Is this the way it is always going to be?" I asked, removing myself out of his arms. I couldn't do this with him when he had me in his arms. He could always make my resolve break faster when he cradled me like that.

I couldn't bring myself to be angry. Anger has never gotten us anywhere before. I just didn't have any fight left in me. I was just empty now.

"Bella, you knew this when you married me. This is who I am. I need you to stand by me." he said, getting frustrated.

He said the same things every time we had this fight. That I should just accept being neglected and ignored, just because I married a soldier. He needed me to stand by him. That's all I've done for the last eight years. What about what I needed from him.

This was usually when the screaming and harsh words began. This was always the starting point for this never ending argument that we have every time he comes home. But this time, my fight was gone and I said the only thing that I could to explain just how far gone I truly was.

"I'm not happy anymore, Edward"

And for the first time in eight years, Edward didn't have anything to argue back.

**Hey, guys**

**Well, that was the next chapter.**

**I'm loving your guys reviews, it's helping me write this with you guys in mind.**

**Please review!**

**If I can get a good number of reviews out of you's, I'll put a rush on the next chapter.**

**Thanks**

**Nicky88**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven – Stuck in Sinking Sand**

**EPOV**

Bella wasn't happy anymore.

What does a person say to that. What do you say after your wife admits that she isn't happy being with you anymore. On some level, I knew she wasn't happy, but I just didn't want to face the reality of it. Would she leave me?

Bella and I have been together for ten years. Eight of those years we have been married. I know I haven't been around much and I know that things have been strained between us. But I never thought that she was, this unhappy. Granted, I was hardly ever home to monitor her moods.

Bella was nearly at breaking point. I could hear it in her voice and I could see it on her face. She was out of fight. Bella just looked empty now and it broke my heart knowing that I was the cause of it. I had always just assumed Bella would always be there. But it wasn't like I planned things to be this way. She married a soldier. And as a daughter of a soldier herself, she should have known what she was getting herself into when she married me.

We haven't spoken since her big statement. For the last three days we had avoided each other. I watched Bella get on with her usual routine of picking and dropping of the kids to school and after school activities. I watched her go off to work and come home and cook and clean. I tried to help out in some areas. Offering to make the bed or help her cook. But she just brushed me off.

I few times I had noticed her staring at me. Like she wanted to say something or that she was waiting for me to say something myself. I wanted to. I wanted to say something that would fix this. That would make all this distance between us disappear. But I had no comfort for her at the moment. My hands were tied. I was a soldier. It's who I am. Without out it, I couldn't breath. But I couldn't lose Bella and the kids either. One thing was for sure. I had to return in a week and a half and complete my tour.

There was only a couple more months left on my tour. But it didn't sit right with me leaving Bella after she had just admitted something like that. For the first time in our marriage, I felt that it was really in danger. I mean sure we had our fights, our differences, but I had always thought that we would get through them. But as it turns out. I was very wrong.

Bella was at work and there wasn't anything for me to around here, so I thought it was time I went and saw my parents. Carlisle had requested a transfer, when Emmett, Jasper and I had been stationed here. Mum and him, wanted to be as close to us as they could. Dad was a sought after doctor and the base was all to happy to have him.

I pulled into my parents drive a little after lunch. Mum and Dad didn't live on base, preferring to live just outside of it. They weren't far from the base gates though. It was easy for Dad to get to work. My mother Esme must have seen my car pull up outside, because she was in my arms even before I was out of the car.

"Hi, Mum" I said, wrapping my arms around her and inhaling her lavender scent.

"Oh, my boy, I missed you so much" she said, tears in her voice. It wasn't easy for her to have two sons and a son in-law away, facing a war. 

"I missed you too, mum" I whispered, pulling her more tightly to my frame.

Bella used to greet me like this when I came home from tours or leave. But I hadn't felt that from her in a long time now.

"Come inside. I'll put the kettle on and you can tell me how you are" she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me inside the house.

Things hadn't changed since I was last home. Furniture was still in the same place as it was when I left. Esme was still the same loving and caring mother that she had always been. I desperately needed her advice. If anybody knew what was going on in Bella's head, it was another army wife. I would talk to Dad later. He could give me some perspective from the other side of things. I hoped he could tell me the secret of how he managed to keep his dream of being a soldier, whilst still being what he needed to be for his wife and kids.

"So, where's Dad?" I asked, taking the cup of black coffee she had made for me. Black. Just the way a soldier likes it.

"He should be home soon. He just went out to pick some files up from the base" she answered.

After a long uncomfortable pause, with my mother watching me with those oh too knowing eyes. She knew something was wrong. She finally asked.

"What's wrong. You look sad. Shouldn't you be happy that you get some time with Bella and the kids?"

"Mum, can I ask you a question?" I asked, not quite sure how to say what I have been thinking about the last couple of days.

"Sure, you can ask me anything. You know that" she answered. Esme was always so supportive.

"Were you ever unhappy with Dad? I mean, did you ever hate this life?" I asked, shifting my eyes around the kitchen. I didn't want to see her face when I asked it. It would be shock, I bet.

"No, I was never unhappy being with your father. I won't lie and say that it was easy. There were times when things were hard for us. Both as people and as a couple. But I was never unhappy. I never thought about leaving him, if that's what your asking. Is this about Bella? Do you think she's gonna leave you?"

Esme came around and placed her arm around my shoulders. She was trying to be comforting and it just made me sadder.

"Bella and I got into a fight a couple of days ago about me going back in two weeks and she told me that she wasn't happy anymore" I explained. It hurt just relaying it to my mother.

"Oh Edward, I'm sorry" she said, rubbing my back.

"I just don't know what to do. Being in the army makes me happy, but it's making Bella unhappy. I can't seem to get the two sides to meet" I told her, running my hand through my untamed hair.

"I can't tell you or Bella what to do, but I will tell you this. This life is hard for both a soldier and the ones left behind. You might make the sacrifices with your life, but she makes all the other sacrifices. Your a good soldier Edward, but you need to try and balance that with being a good father and a good husband" she said, moving to sit in front of me.

"So, basically your saying that I need to spend some more time at home."

"I'm saying that, you need to put a little less effort into one and a little more into the other. The army will always be there Edward, maybe Bella won't be. Talk to your Father, if anyone knows how to live two lives, it's him"

Just as Esme had finished her speech, Carlisle walked through, into the kitchen.

"Edward, I didn't know that you were back. Everything good, son?" he said, as I got up off the stool and gave him a hug.

"Got back a couple of days ago. Could we talk?" I asked.

"Sure, let's go to my office" Carlisle said. His forehead creased in worry. He knew something was wrong with me, just like Esme did.

I followed after him, hoping that he knew a way to fix my marriage, because I sure as hell didn't.

**Hello, my lovelies**

**Here's the next chapter for ya.**

**I wanted to give a big thanks to y'all who are reviewing.**

**I pushed this chapter out of me just for you guys!**

**Just to let you know, that I don't plan on repeating chapters through the whole story, things will change once Edward goes back to Afghanistan. I just wanted to do it this way at the start to help set up the foundation of the story. **

**I thought it was important at the beginning, that you really know both sides. See things, how their seeing them.**

**I wanted to show that their not communicating and this lack of communication will make more sense later on in the story.**

**Keep up the reviews. I'm loving them!**

**Love**

**Nicky88**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight – Father and Son Talk**

As I followed my father down the hall towards his office, my eyes fell on all the family photo's hanging on the hallway wall. So many of them. Pictures of them as a family, of him and his siblings, of his mother and father. Happy memories. Colours. Black and whites. In every one of them, his family was happy and his mother was smiling in each and every single one of them. Why couldn't Bella be happy like his mother seemed to be?

Edward remembered how him and his sibling's had looked up to Carlisle, they still did. They admired him for what he did. But they respected Esme just as much. She may not have placed her life on the line like Carlisle or faced direct combat, but she had been everything to them growing up. An unmovable force of support.

Bella didn't want Edward glorifying the army in front of the kids, especially the boys. It would kill Bella if any of the kids turned around and became a soldier. I on the other hand he would be proud if any of them decided they wanted to follow the family tradition. But after her father and now himself, was he sentencing Bella to a whole life of fear and worry? Always worried that she was going to lose someone she loved?

Edward stepped into his father's office with a heavy heart. His instincts screamed at him to fight for her, but his heart hurt at her admission from three days ago. He would be the first to admit that he wasn't being the husband that he had thought he would be for her, eight years ago. Back then his world revolved around her. But he had been a teenager then. He could afford for his life to centre on her. Now they were twenty six years old and had four children together. Life didn't work that way anymore. They were adults and they had to act like adults.

He watched his father move around the desk and take a seat in an old leather chair. Edward swore that chair was older than him. His father couldn't part with the old thing. Edward sat down across from him and let out a frustrated breath. Running hi hands through his hair, he looked up at his father with pleading eyes.

"I don't know what to do anymore Dad, I'm afraid I'm going to lose her" he said, his eyes stinging with unshed tears.

"Bella said she was going to leave you?" Carlisle asked, shocked that Bella was capable of leaving his son. She had always seemed the most understanding out of the women in his family.

" She didn't say she was going to leave me exactly, but she said she wasn't happy anymore. But I can't help but feel that she will leave if things don't change" Edward answered his father, leaning back and resting his head against the leather chair head.

" what does she want to change?" Carlisle asked, watching the sadness spread across his son face. Edward loved Bella, and as a father who knew his son well, Edward would not survive it. Bella was Edward's solid gound.

"She's always saying that she wants me home more, to spend more time with her and the kids. My commander offered me this three year assignment as a recruiter on the base. It would mean I'd be around more" Edward sighed. He'd been offered this assignment many times before and Bella had asked him to accept it each time. But every time he turned it down in favour of deploying overseas.

"And you don't want to take this assignment" Carlisle made it sound like a statement and not a question. Edward didn't even have to answer, he saw it written across his son's face.

"It's just, I've worked so hard to get to where I'm at, it feels like I'm taking a huge step backwards and Bella acts like it's because I don't want to be home with her and the kids".

"Is it?" Carlisle asked, wanting the truth from his son.

"I love Bella and the kids more than anything in the world, but sometimes I feel out of place when I'm at home. Bella and the kids get along so well without me, that sometimes I feel like I'm not needed around. I know what I'm doing when I'm out on a mission, but I feel like I'm fighting to keep my head above water when I'm at home" Edward explained the best way he could to his father.

Edward let out a huge breath and closed his eyes. Holding back the tears he felt coming.

"It's funny how I feel safer in a war zone, than in my own home"

Carlisle sat across the desk watching his sons dejected face. Esme and him had never had the problems that Edward and Bella were facing. Esme was always happy being home. Being an army wife. But not every person was the same and Edward needed to understand that what had been right for his mother may not be what is right for Bella.

Bella needed more. Esme and him had been older when they met and older when they married. Esme had experienced some of the world before she settled down with him. Bella and Edward had married right out of high school and Bella fell pregnant not long after that. She hadn't had the chance to experience anything before she took on the responsibilities of an army wife. Could anyone really blame her for desiring that for herself? Could Edward?

"Edward the life of a soldier is not easy. But the life of an army partner is just as hard, maybe even harder. We have our training for battle, but there is no training for life. Bella has been a full time parent for eight years now. Most of that time she has essentially been a single parent. Four kids, a house and working full time will take it's toll on you. Have you considered that Bella may be burnt out? That maybe all she's asking for is a little bit more help?"

"Dad I know the demands that I put on her, but she knew what life would be like by marrying me. I thought she was prepared for it" Edward argued, getting slightly defensive.

"Yes, but Edward you need to remember that your just as much a husband and a father as you are a soldier. You say you know the demands that you place on Bella and as far as I have seen, she meets all of them. But a marriage is a partnership and you need to be putting into that marriage just as much as Bella is. And your children are just as much your responsibility as they are Bella's" Carlisle said diplomatically. He didn't want to appear to be siding against his son.

"Find a balance, son", Carlisle advised.

"That's easier said than done, Dad. I don't even know where to start and fix this" Edward said, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration.

"Maybe taking that assignment is not a bad idea, Edward. Remember that Bella is not asking you to quit the army and she hasn't said you can't return to duty at some point. She's just asking you for three years. Is your marriage worth three years?"

Edward stood up. Could he take the assignment? Was he able to be a recruiter? Could he do this for Bella and their marriage? His heart screamed yes, but the soldier in him didn't know if he could take being away from action that long. But Carlisle's last statement hit him where it hurt. Was his marriage worth it?

Yes. Yes his marriage was worth it. His heart felt a little lighter now that he had admitted that to himself.

After saying goodbye to his parents and thanking them for their heartfelt advice. Edward drove home feeling free and happy. He would make their marriage work. He just had to convince Bella of that now.

**Hello again my people.**

**Here's the next chapter for ya!**

**I hope you guys like the father son bonding. Carlisle is a very smart man and lets hope Edward really takes his advice. :-)**

**Keep those reviews coming I love everyone one of them.**

**Next Chapter – BPOV ( Into The Sand Storm )**

**Till Next time**

**Nicky88**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine – Jumping on the Grenade

BPOV

Three days. There days since I saw the shock and devastation on Edwards face. I hadn't meant to say it, hadn't meant for it to come out the way it did. But Edward did what he always did and pushed. Edward had always known exactly how to push my buttons and every time I tried to talk about it with him, he either shut me out or made it into a fight. Edward clearly did not want to face the problems in our marriage, because if he did, things might have to change. He would would have to change.

We had avoided each other since my big statement, Preferring to deal with the repercussions of it on our own. Sometimes I would look at him and wonder how the hell our marriage had gone so off track. Where did the loving and protective Edward that I have fallen in love with and married gone? He would catch me staring at him sometimes, these last few days, but neither of us made a move to fix the huge chasm that I felt separated me from him.

We played nice in front of the children, so not to distress them, but we both felt that they knew something was wrong with Mummy and Daddy. The twins were to young to understand, so they were mostly oblivious to any tension between Edward and I. Anthony and Billie were different. Anthony had taken my side and had begun ignoring his father and Billie was siding with her father and was now giving me attitude. This was not what I had wanted. I didn't want our kids getting in the middle of our problems. I certainly didn't want them to feel they had to take sides.

I hated this. I hated feeling like this. That my marriage just might be over. That we had become stuck in a place, where we couldn't go forward and we couldn't go back. We were just stuck. What I wanted, Edward didn't want and what Edward wanted, I couldn't live with anymore. For eight years I have given him everything that he wanted and I just didn't have it in me anymore. I needed my husband and he was just too blind to see that.

I tried to continue to function by falling into my usual routine of taking care of the kids, making sure they attended all their responsibilities, cleaning the house, cooking and going to work. Work had become my reprieve. It was a chance to get lost in something else and not have to worry about us.

Edward had mentioned that he was going to visit his parents today, while I was at work. That had been all he said, whispered to me in the encroaching darkness of our bedroom. I had answered with a quiet "okay" and turned to face away from him. But like the the last few nights, sleep did not come easily. I laid awake for hours, unable to shut my brain down. Since their was a lack of light snoring, I knew he was suffering insomnia as well. I had woken up this morning before Edward and gotten the kids ready. We had already left, by the time he must have woken up. I just didn't have it in me to look into his sullen eyes this morning.

I serviced the customers, replaced the books to their original origins and bar-coded the new arrivals. I did my job professionally and efficiently, so no one would notice my turbulent emotions and ask me if anything was wrong. Because right now there was no way for me to tell if I would be able to hold it all in. However, I was not completely successful with hiding my feelings. My supervisor, Heidi, who I had know for many years now. Ever since she offered me the job here, had some how deciphered my pensive persona. And had cornered me by the staff lockers after my shift was finished.

" Hey, girl. How are you doing?", she stepped in front of me with a sympathetic frown on her face.

Heidi had become my confidant, when things had started going wrong in my marriage. I hadn't gone to Alice or Rosalie, as they were Edwards sister and sister in-law. I always felt that they wouldn't be able to give me clear advise as they had a loyalty to Edward. Heidi had been the wife of a general for over thirty years and knew exactly what I was going through. She always said that Felix and Edward were like two peas in a pod.

"I'm alright" I answered, closing my locker door and turning around to face her.

"Well, judging by your sullen answer and those frown lines between your eyes, Edward is home" she stated knowingly.

She put her arm around my shoulders and lead me to her office so we could talk in private. She walked over to sit behind her desk, while I took the seat in front. Looking around the office, you could tell she was an army wife. Nothing was out of place, nor was there a speck of dust in sight. Soldiers tended to rub off on their partners when it came to order and cleanliness.

"Edward, got home three days ago, but his just on leave. He has to return to duty in a week and a half. Is it terrible of me to say that I wish my husband hadn't returned?"

I flicked my eyes away from her probing eyes. She could always see right through me. I nervously wrung my hands together, trying to distract myself from the overwhelming grief that had taken up home in my chest.

"Depends on what you mean by not returning?", she asked, passing over a box of tissues. She must of seen my eyes tearing up.

"Of course I don't mean that I wish he never returned. I may not like my husband right now, but I still love him and would never want anything bad to happen to him. I just feel like things are at there worst right now and neither of us knows how to fix it. It doesn't help anything, knowing that he has to return to duty in eleven days. You can't fix a marriage in eleven days"

I couldn't remain sitting, so I stood up and started pacing the length of the office. Moving around seemed to be helping me with dispersing the too many emotions running around inside me.

"I take it, you and Edward have been fighting again?", she more stated than asked me.

"It seems to be all we do now. Before we got married, I could count on my one hand how many times we argued. Now I've lost count. It's not us, It can't be us"

I broke down at that point, sliding down into the chair and cried into my hands. Heidi must have come out from behind the desk, because once I was able to pull myself back together, Heidi was sitting next to me and rubbing my back in soothing manner.

"Honey, I too know how hard this life is. It's not easy for either partner. But for Army couples, we have to put a hell of a lot more effort into our marriages to make them work. Couples outside the Army have it so much easier. My advice to you, is to go home, sit down with your husband and talk things through"

I wanted to interrupt her and say that I have already tried this tactic. I've talked until I was blue in the face. Edward just doesn't listen. Or he hears me, he just chooses to do whatever the hell he wants to do anyway. No matter what I said. She put her hand up to stop me and I closed my mouth.

"You lay it on the line for him and MAKE him understand. Otherwise, you have a choice to make. You continue living the way your living or you leave. You tell him that. It might scare him into thinking differently"

She sadly smiled at me and patted me on the back. I wiped my eyes with the tissue she handed me and stood up. Grabbing my bag, I hugged her and thanked her for her advice and told her I would see her tomorrow.

I drove slowly home, since Edward had picked up the kids today, I could take all the time I needed. I wasn't confident that Heidi's advice wouldn't work. I've tried talking to Edward so many times, my words had begun to jumble in my head. But I was willing to try. I just didn't know if I was prepared to leave Edward. As much as he had hurt me over the last eight years, I still loved him and deep down I knew the Edward that I had married still existed. Edward was not only my husband, but he was my best friend and the father to my children. Could I do that. Tear apart our family.

I walked through the front door and the house was dark except for the kitchen. Edward must of already put the kids to bed. It was 10.30pm after all. I put my handbag and keys on the chestnut wood table by the door, took a long breath and walked into the kitchen. Edward was sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a steaming hot coffee. He was staring into the steaming cup like it held the answers for them and I shifted nervously from one foot to the other. He suddenly looked up at her. His green eyes held her brown eyes for sometime, before he said.

"We need to talk"

Hey guys.

I'm back with another chapter.

Hope you guys enjoy!

Just to let you guys know, I've got another story out, called Into The Wild.

Check it out!

Please give me some love, and review, review and review.

Next chapter will be the Big Talk!


	10. Chapter 10

Hey Guys.

Just a quick note before you read this chapter. There is mature content involved in this chapter and if you don't feel confident about reading it, I will understand and please wait until the next chapter comes out. It's not filthy, but it does involve sex.

Thanks

* * *

Chapter Ten – Fallen Soldier

EPOV

I had told Bella I would pick the kids up today, allowing Bella to work an extra shift at the library. So after my visit with my parents, I decided to spend some time with the kids. Anthony and Billie had school until three and the twins needed to be picked up from daycare at four. I took them to get ice cream after I had all the kids in the car. After that I took them to the playground, just across the street.

I took the time to just watch my kids. Something that I was ashamed to say, I hadn't done in some time. Anthony was a little man in a boys body. I watched as he steadied the twins as they made their way across the tan bark layering the park grounds. He pushed Billie on the swing and soothed the boys when their unsteady legs made them tumble to the ground. He kissed and soothed them until their tears dried and they were off again. Every time they fell he would pick them back up, kiss it better and smile at them. I envied the boys. Anthony rarely smiled anymore and those smiles weren't directed at me. Anthony was kind and loving, yet strong and protective. His mint green eyes showed a boy, older than his years.

Billie ran around the park like her feet were on fire. She jumped from one piece of the play equipment to the next, not even bothering to breath between each one. Billie was my princess. My only daughter. She could be girly and want to play with dolls and dress up with her Aunty Alice, but she would prefer to be outside with the boys. She liked sport and didn't mind getting dirty. Bella had mentioned before that Billie had started to have attitude with her. Bella had said that she would only listen to me. Billie came at life full speed and she was basically fearless. Something I worried about when she got older. It scared me, thinking about all the trouble she would get into. But it wouldn't change anything. She would always be my little girl. Better buy that shot gun now!

The twins were the complete opposite of each other, despite the fact that they looked so much alike. If it wasn't for the small tell tale signs of Bella in one and me in the other, you couldn't tell them apart. William was like me. He was loud, energetic and loved getting his way. He had my smirk down pat and we both used it to our advantage whenever we got the chance. William was not afraid to talk, in fact he could talk your leg off once he started. Matthew was more like Bella. He was shy and quiet. William didn't like attention and tended to step back into the background. Where William loved sports and being outside, Matthew liked to read or play quietly on the floor with his blocks.

It brought tears to my eyes that my children had changed so much. Getting bigger and developing individual personalities and so much of it I had missed. It was in that moment, that I decided, that if Bella and I managed to fix our problems and have more kids. I would be there from the very beginning. I wouldn't miss a thing.

I spent the next few hours, playing with them, helping them with their homework and cooking them dinner. By the time I had washed up, bathed them and put them to bed, it was already 9.30pm. I collapsed on the couch in a heap. I was tired and I felt like my bones were jelly. I found it funny that I could spend the whole day standing on my feet in Afghanistan and not feel tired, but spending a couple of hours taking care of my four children had me worn out. I had new found respect for my wife. I honestly didn't know how Bella did this 24/7, worked full time and manged the house all by herself. I finally understood where she was coming from now. I needed a break now, after a couple of hours. She hadn't much, if any help from me in eight years. I am a terrible husband!

As much as I wanted to crawl up in bed and fall into oblivion, Bella and I really needed to talk. So I went into the kitchen, made myself a coffee and sat down at the kitchen table to wait for her. It was 10.30pm by the time she got home. I heard her car pull into the drive and the car door slam. Her keys jiggled in the door as she entered our home. I tracked her movements through the house and could hear her hesitate before entering into the kitchen.

I looked up from my now cold coffee and settled my gaze on her. My mind went blank in that moment. Not sure where to even begin. But we needed to have this talk or we'd end up in divorce court and I knew I couldn't handle that. I couldn't lose Bella.

"Hey" Bella said with a nervous smile, that faded as soon as it appeared.

"Hi," I replied. I gestured with my hand for her to sit down.

Bella took the seat across from me. After she had settled herself into her chair, the silence overtook the room. I opened my mouth and than closed it. Bella opened her mouth and than closed it. We used to be so good with the talking thing. We were so good at it, we didn't even need words to communicate with each other. It seemed we didn't have that anymore.

"We need to talk," we both announced at the same time.

Bella laughed and I couldn't help, but join in. It felt stupid really. Bella and I had been married to each other for eight years. We had seen every nook and cranny of each other. Shared all our secrets. The fact that we felt so nervous with each other, so off balance, was a testimate to how far we'd let our marriage get off track.

"I think I should be the one to go first. I know I have a lot to apologise for"

I reached across the table and took both her hands in mine, bring them to rest in the middle of the table, between us. Bella just nodded her head for me to continue.

"Bella, after what you admitted to me a couple of days ago, I have been going around and around in my head to try and figure out how we got here. It took the advice of both my parents to get me to see things a little bit clearer."

I nervously let out a breath and rubbed my thumb along the side of hand in a attempt of affection and a chance to seek her comfort.

"I know I have failed both you and the kids and that knowledge hurts my heart. Eight years ago, all I wanted to do was be a good soldier and make you happy. I have succeeded at one of those goals, but let you down so much, too often." I confessed, with all my emotions laid out for her to see.

"You haven't failed Edward. I still love you and the kids do too, but as much as the army needs you, we need you too. I need you," Bella admitted and I watched a tear trace down her face. I released one of my hands from where they were joined in the middle of the table and wiped away her tear with my thumb.

"I know, Sweetheart. I know I don't show it as often as I should, but I need you and the kids too. That's why I called my commander today and requested an extra two weeks of leave, so we can start fixing this and be happy with each other again."

I watched Bella's eyes widen in surprise. I had never requested to stay home longer than was required and she knew that. Bella shook her head as if she couldn't quite believe it.

I watched the myriad of emotions cross her face as she digested my news.

" It's only temporary for now. I still have to return and complete the last couple of months of my duty. I have no choice in that matter, but after I get back, we can talk about making a few more changes. I just wanted you to know right now, that I don't want to lose you and that I might have been blind to our problems before, but I see them clearly now" I stopped my confession there and got up and came around the table.

I bent down in front of her and joined our hands again in her lap. I looked up at her and put every ounce of emotion into my voice.

"I love you, Isabella Marie Cullen and from now on I am going to try my hardest to be the husband you deserve"

"I love you too, Edward Anthony Cullen," she answered and brought her hand up to run along my jaw.

I kissed her than, both in love and relief. I had been so scared that she wouldn't give me a chance to fix my mistakes. But she had welcomed me back into both her arms and her heart. I was a lucky man. Our kiss that had started out as sweet and loving, turned heated and desperate. I pulled Bella up out of her chair and crushed her body to mine. Molding myself around her. Bella's fingers tightened in my hair and she held my face to hers with force. It was like the emotions that we had been holding in the last couple of days, just exploded out of us.

I walked us backwards, until Bella's smaller body was pinned between mine and the wall. We continued to kiss and grope at each other and the heat continued to build between us. My lips started to trace down her jaw to her neck and Bella arched off the wall. Her hips trusting against mine. Her hands slid from my shoulders and pressed against my chest. Her nimble fingers frantically released the buttons on my shirt from their holes. Once she had reached the bottom, I moved away from her and withdrew my arms from my shirt sleeves. I dropped my shirt to the floor and pressed my body back to hers.

I slid my tongue over her lips, asking for entrance again and she did not deny me. Our tongues battled for dominance, while I practically ripped her shirt from her body. I pushed the material from her shoulders and exposed her lace covered breasts to my view. I traveled downwards and covered one pert breast with my mouth. Soaking the material through until I could see the darkened circles underneath. Bella moaned and withered against me, quiet, breathless pleas of more came from her soft parted lips.

I turned my head to the other breast and bestowed the same attention I had previously on its twin. Bella's hands slid behind her back and she released the clasp of her bra and I watched as it fell down off her body. Bella's body began to shake as I used my mouth to suck, lick and gently bite her, freshly exposed skin. Her body reacting to the sensations of having no barrier between my mouth and her sensitive skin.

As I slid my mouth down her stomach, swirling my tongue in her navel as I went. I undid the buttons on her jeans and slid them down with her underwear. As Bella kicked her shoes off, she kicked her jeans and underwear with them. I nipped at her hip bones, sliding my nose along the her skin, from one side of her pelvis to the other. Running my hands along her thighs, I brought one leg up to rest over my shoulder. Her sweet smell reached my nose and I took lungfuls in of the intoxicating scent.

My arousal heightened at the sight of her. Bare and exposed before me. Bella's gasps of air and her heaving chest drew my attention to her face. Her face was flushed and a light sheen of sweat coated her forehead. She looked down at me with desire filled, hooded eyes. With my eyes still holding hers, I pressed my face to the beautiful triangle between her legs. I slid my tongue back and forth between the skin there. Lapping at her like a dying man for water. Pressing my tongue in and out of her, as deep as I could go at the angle we were at. Bella's hands held my head to her and her body trembled underneath my hands. My fingers soon joined my lips and tongue, exploring her until she shook and trembled in a wave of pleasure.

I moved up her body, her hands instantly going to the belt of my pants, undoing the buckle as she caught her breath. I returned my mouth to hers, kissing her as she pushed my jeans and boxers off my hips. I didn't have shoes on, so I just scrambled my feet out of the holes and kicked them away. Bella's fingers traced the length of me, but I was already so aroused, that I didn't need any foreplay. Her beautiful face, her flushed body and the urgency of our coupling had me aroused to the point of painful.

Not using all my strength, so not to hurt her, I pushed her back against the wall and slid my hands along the back of her thighs. I hoisted her up and her legs wrapped around my waist. Holding her eyes with mine, I entered her in one quick thrust. Resting my forehead against hers, I held myself inside her, so Bella could adjust to me and I could feel the pleasure of her heat surrounding me. I kissed her gently, holding my lips on hers as I slowly retracted my hips and returned. After repeating the rhythm a few times, I began to lose control. My tempo picked up and the strength behind my trusts got harder. Soon my hips were rocketing into hers, my eager thrusts pushing me deeper inside of her, until I could feel the tip of myself hitting the wall of her cervix.

I worried that I was hurting her, my force to powerful, but Bella's hips seemed to be matching mine, trust for thrust. The friction of the push and pull, eventually sent Bella tumbling over the edge. Her teeth biting into my shoulder to keep herself from crying out in pleasure and waking the kids. The build up, the vibrations of her climax and the pleasuring pain of her teeth on my shoulder, caused my own orgasm to hit and I groaned and shuddered into the soft skin of her shoulder. I released into her until I was empty and spent.

Our bodies rested against each other, my body still held within hers. Our chests heaved and our hearts beat rapidly as we tried to catch our breaths.

"I love you" I whispered.

"I love you, too," she whispered back just as quietly.

After cleaning up the kitchen and participating in a second round of love making after heading off to bed, I laid awake with Bella sleeping in my arms. My body spooning hers and our fingers clasped together. Our love making wasn't like before, where we used sex in exchange for talking. It was a chance to reconnect to each other and in eight years I haven't felt as this connected to my wife as I did right now. I only hoped that we can sustain it.

Hey guys

I know I promised last time that I would update sooner than I have. But I live out in the middle of freakin' nowhere and sometimes I can't connect to the internet. So I haven't been able to sustain a connection long enough to update and the computers at my work has restrictions, so I couldn't do it there either.

So my sincere apologies.

I hope you guys like the chapter. This one is a little more mature, but I hope I did it tactfully and it didn't come out too dirty. I wanted them to connect, not just get smutty.

Let me know if that came across to you guys or if it was too dirty.

Please give some reviews and if my computer plays along with me I'll have the next chapter up by the end of the week. :-)

Next Chapter: Family Bonding


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven – Losing Battle**

**BPOV**

I felt light. Like a crushing weight had been sitting on my chest and for the first time in eight years, I could really breathe. Last night was a step towards change. It wasn't a huge step, but a step none the less. Edward was trying. It was something I had been waiting for our entire marriage. The warm heat streaming in from the slits in the curtain landed on my face and I closed my eyes and allowed the morning rays to heat my skin. A brand new day, a fresh start for my family and my marriage.

I tried to turn and face my husband, but I was held in my position. Caged by hard, warm muscle. Edward's arms locked me within his embrace as he continued to slumber away the remaining morning hours. My body was pleasurably sore and a tingle raced down my spine when I remembered our night together. Last night was magical, a fantasy land of fire and pleasure. Edward had never taken me that way before. Rough and desperate. Emotion and neediness poured out of us, as we clung to one another. Last night was a desperate need to reconnect and it took possession of our bodies as we made love over and over, into the early hours of the morning.

I wasn't naïve to think that last night would be an automatic fix to our marriage. But it was a step in the right direction. We actually confronted the problem last night and not just placed a band aid over the issues, one that was temporary and would always be ripped off. We always found ourselves back at the same place. Unable to meet the other. Edward always thought that if he closed his eyes or took a mission, which would take him away from our home, everything would right itself by the time he came home. That I would have come to my senses, given in and life would be right again.

Edward's arms tightened around me, bringing me closer to his body. He drew his knees up and spooned my body inside the cradle of his. Lifting one hand he swept my messy hair away from neck and shoulder. His warm breath on my shoulder, sent fire racing down my body and even after the previous night of love making, my over sensitive body wanted more. Greedily I turned my body around in his embrace and snuggled further into his chest. Edward's masculine scent invaded my senses and I nuzzled closer to draw more of it into my lungs.

"I love you, you know that right?" he asked, dropping his head to nuzzle my shoulder.

"I know. I love you too" It was a half truth. On some level I knew he still loved me. I just didn't know if he loved me more than the army. Part of the reason I never gave him an ultimatum, the army or me, was because I honestly didn't know if I was the choice he'd make. That doubt had made my heart bleed on more than one occasion.

Edward hadn't opened his eyes yet, but his face bent in search of my lips. I raised them up to meet his, but before our kiss could go any further, the sounds of our children, informed us that they were awake and would soon come searching for their parents. Edward sighed, gently kissed me once more and got up and padded into the bathroom adjoining our room.

Two Weeks Later….

Edward had kept his promise of being better at being husband and a father. He took us out to dinner, to parks and picnics. He enjoyed playing miniature golf with the kids. Edward spent the day with Anthony, teaching him some new techniques for little league. By the end of the day, the rift between the two barely existed. He spent hour after hour on the piano, playing with Billie. Helping to improve her skills for her upcoming recital. He helped Matthew read and played the wii with William.

Our nights were spent cuddling on the couch, watching movies or making love whenever the chance presented itself. It was the way things were meant to be. The way I had envisioned our life together being like. Edward was more like the man that I had married. Instead of the army camouflaged shell that had been living in my house for the past eight years.

Edward had changed after his first tour. Returning to me a different man and I still didn't know what happened for him to change so drastically. Being a part of the army my whole life, I had seen the change in a lot of men and women over the years. I knew that after that first tour, he would be forever changed. After seeing death and war, how could you not be affected by it? Edward had returned home distant and angry. He woke most nights in sweats and panting for air. For awhile I asked what his dreams were about, maybe then I could find some way to comfort him, but he would brush me off, by telling me he couldn't remember or escaping to check on Anthony.

After awhile he got better, but he wasn't the same Edward again. War had hardened him and the soft, sweet Edward was rarely seen again after that. Edward had never been abusive or cruel to me, but as time went by, the more fights occurred and the distance between us grew. The last two weeks had shown me that my sweet and attentive Edward still lived in him; he was just buried underneath years of death and fighting.

Right now, he was downstairs making dinner and our children were attempting to lend a hand. But from the giggles and hushes, I didn't know if much was getting accomplished. I stared down at the stick in my hand. Two pink lines glaring at me as I tried to process the news. Like most of our children, we hadn't planned this. We were just starting to fix our marriage, another child to join our already made family of four, would only make things harder.

I was still sitting on the edge of the bath, when Edward entered, obviously curious at why I was taking so long. His eyes immediately went to my hands. His mouth opened and closed, as he processed what I was staring at and why I looked so pale.

"Are you?" he asked, coming over and sitting next to me.

"Yes" I answered, afraid to look at his face and see his reaction.

"How? I haven't been back that long" Edward stated. Trying to work the math out in his head.

"Long enough, obviously" I answered haughtily. Not sure I liked the sound of what he was implying.

"I wasn't accusing you of anything, Bella, I'm just shocked" he explained, while wrapping his arm around me and bringing me closer to his body.

"Join the club", I stated simply, still unable to take my eyes off the two pink lines on the pregnancy test.

"We should make an appointment with a doctor. First we need to be sure and than we need make sure everything is okay" Edward jumped into action and before I knew it, he was making an appointment to see a doctor for tomorrow.

I was still in the same spot before he left to grab the phone and make the appointment. Edward came over and dropped to his knees in front of me. He bent his head, trying to catch my eyes and I refused his attempts. After a few try's, he tipped my head up with his fingers underneath my chin.

"We'll work it out, Bella. We always said we wanted a big family and that hasn't changed. It's just happening sooner than we planned" he spoke softly, running his thumb along my cheek bone.

"But things were just starting to get better. This is just going to make things harder" I said, afraid that this news was going set back the progress we had made.

"Sure it'll be harder, but we'll find a way to make it work" he hugged me than and I tried to absorb his love and strength into myself and hold it there as long as I could.

The next day came sooner, rather than later and I now found myself sitting next to my husband in the base doctor's clinic waiting for my name to be called. My jumping knee, a testament to my nerves, so much so, Edward's hand had frequently moved to hold it still. I glanced over to take a quick peek at my husband and his face looked worry free. Besides that tension filled moment when he found out I was pregnant, he had become fine with it all. I on the other hand, was the one who seemed unable to accept it.

I had wanted more children in the past, but it just seemed like the wrong time to be bringing another child into our lives. Things were hard enough with the four that we already had and we had only begun sorting out the disaster that was our marriage. But it seemed life was out to get me and make things as hard on me as it possibly could. Fate was laughing at me as we speak.

My name was called and Edward followed me in. The nurse took my blood and urine and we were sent to wait in the doctors office. I had been through this before and after four kids I think I could do the tests myself. Edward was silent through the whole thing, but his hand hadn't left mine since we had entered the doctor's clinic. Edward had only been to a few doctor's visits with me over the years. Once with Anthony, a few times with Billie and since I didn't find out I was pregnant with the twins until after Edward had already deployed, he never attended the doctor's for them. This was virtually a new experience for him.

I watched him from the corner of my eye, expecting him to freak out at some stage. He had been too level headed about it all; since we found out we were pregnant. Sometimes I thought he seemed happy about it. I would love my child either way, but I just couldn't bring myself to be happy about the timing. Just as I was about to ask him how he was really handling everything, the office door opened and a short, brunette woman walked in.

"Good morning, Mr and Mrs Cullen. I'm Dr. Angela Cheney" she said offering her hand to me and than Edward. We both shook her hand and introduced ourselves by our first names.

"Well, I've looked over your test results and you are indeed pregnant. But you levels are showing that you're not very far along. Only a couple of weeks in. Does that sound about right?" she asked, looking over her glasses at us and waiting for one of us to answer.

"Yes it sounds about right. Edward has only been back a couple of weeks and the only reason I noticed I was pregnant was because I had just had my period before Edward got home and I noticed on the calendar yesterday that I was a week late in getting it again. I'm usually very regular with them" I answered, watching my husband from the corner of my eye, squirm from the intimate questions and answers.

"Okay, well according to your medical record you already have four children, so you know the procedure, the dos and don'ts" Dr. Cheney asked, shuffling the papers around on her desk.

"Yes, I'm an expert by now" I answered, nodding my head in agreement.

"Okay, I'll write a prescription for prenatal vitamins and make an appointment for a month's time, to check your progress. Does that sound alright to the both of you?" Dr Cheney stated, handing over my prescription and waited for a confirmation.

"It will be for me, but Edward will be back in Afghanistan then and won't be able to make it to the doctor's appointment" I explained. Edward's hand tightened around my fingers.

"I see. Will Edward be deployed for the entire pregnancy?" Angela asked, shifting her eyes between me and Edward.

Before I could answer, Edward did.

"No, Mame'. I should be back for the last couple months of Bella's pregnancy" Edward stated. I didn't know if it was said more for the doctor or me.

After the doctor had asked a few more questions and gave me my next appointment time. I walked out of the clinic feeling a little better about things. I was finally allowing myself to believe Edward. We would work it out. Edward still had a few more weeks R and R before he had to return overseas, but even then he only had a few more months left on his deployment. Things would change after that and Edward would take that recruiting assignment and I'd have my husband back. Edward had sworn to me that things would change.

But I should have known better.

Later that night, while I put the kids to bed, I heard Edward's cell phone ring in our bedroom. From the way he addressed the person on the other line, I assumed it was one of his commanders, but before I could hear anymore, Edward closed the bedroom door. Turning off the twin's bedroom light, I crossed the hall and stopped at our bedroom door.

My heart sank at what I heard.

"Of course sir, I shall be ready in ten" Edward spoke to the person on his cell.

"I'm happy to do the extra couple of months on top of my deployment. Nothing's more important than my unit. See you soon sir" he finished his call, and I could hear our draws opening and closing, as he obviously packed to leave.

I pushed the door open and watched as he threw clothes into his duffle bag. He still hadn't noticed me yet, unaware that I had heard the whole phone call.

"So your leaving?" it really wasn't even a question, I already knew he would go.

Edward stopped packing and looked up at me. After just staring at me for awhile, he resumed his packing.

"One of my men was injured, and were down men as it is. I have to get back. The boys need me. My deployment may be longer than we thought. I'm sorry Bella, I have no choice" Edward explained, not looking at me as he said it.

I'm blood boiled at the obvious lie.

"Don't bullshit me Edward; I was standing at the door. I heard every word you said. Your happy to do the extra time over there, I even bet you volunteered to stay behind" I hissed out, trying not to raise my voice and wake the kids.

Edward just stared at, unable to dispute me, as he realised I had trapped him in a lie.

"Bella…." He moaned, and tried to move forward and draw me into his arms.

I pushed him away, anger and hurt coursing through my body, as the blood rushed to my ears. I could hear my own heart beating; I was worked up that much.

"Congratulations Edward, this must be some new record for you. Not even two weeks, before you already broke your promises. After all the promises you have broken in the past, I was stupid to believe you again" I angrily whispered at him, trying to keep as much distance between us as possible.

"Don't start Bella. I'm tired of having this same fight with you every time I leave. You married a soldier and this is the way our lives are. It changes at the drop of hat" he snarled, swinging his duffle bag over his shoulder and heading towards the door.

"I'll be home in a couple of months, six at the most. Well discuss this then" he said walking past me.

"Yeah, well, we might not be here when you get back" I announced, sucking a breath in and fighting my tears back. My heart pleaded for him to understand. For that statement to shock him.

Edward jolted to a stop after my pain filled statement. He turned around and stared at me in shock. It was the first time in our eight years of marriage that I had ever threatened to leave him. I watched the different myriad of emotions flicker across his face as he tried to decide what to do. And then his mouth drew into a frown and his eyes hardened and he turned around and walked out without another word.

I collapsed to the floor and my tears came hard and fast. He didn't choose me and my heart shattered at the knowledge.

The unit and the Army came first.

They always would.

Hey guys,

Here's the next chapter.

Sorry it's taken so long, we've been short staffed at work and I've had to put in a lot more hours. So I just haven't found the time to sit down and type.

There's also another chapter up for the Into The Wild, so check it out.

I am currently in the middle of writing the first chapter to another story I'm going to writing. I know I said I was only going to write one story at a time, but these storied keep popping into my head and I don't want to lose them.

My third story will be called 'The Vampire Kingdom".

Now I know this type of storyline has been done before and I really enjoy some of the ones that are up. But my take on things is slightly different.

Story summary

The story is told in the future, where vampires and humans had gone to war and the vampires won. The Cullen's are one of the ruling families. The story will start at a ball where Prince Edward would be looking for his mate and all the unmated females in the area have been asked to attend. Of course our Bella will be there and my story will continue on from there.

Thanks so much for your support guys and review.

Reviews make me very happy.

Love

Nickyw88


End file.
